


Error - this is not the service you were looking for

by somerandomperson



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Helpdesk AU, M/M, Office AU, Rated T for lanuage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-05-20
Packaged: 2018-01-25 20:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1661588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somerandomperson/pseuds/somerandomperson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Derek's frustrating day in the office is about to change when he has to call the IT support desk</p>
            </blockquote>





	Error - this is not the service you were looking for

_Derek is a LaCT! user, and his company will be exhibiting at a trade show. Derek uses LaCT! mail merge capabilities to create a pre-event mailing for customers and prospects who are in his LaCT! database,inviting them to the trade show. After the event, Derek can import leads gathered at the show into LaCT! and assign them to members of the sales team. The sales team can then use LaCT! to schedule calls or meetings, send follow-up e-mails, and continue to follow up on outstanding events or tasks to manage their ongoing relationship with those contacts and to move prospects to a sale,_.... or so the brochure said. Derek huffed to himself as he scrolled through the 178 page PDF user guide. He was currently looking for the reason why when he went to update his customer info all he received was an error message. He tried clicking on the "confirm" button one more time, with possibly more force than was strictly necessary, only to have the computer bleep cheerily at him "error cv/13J78K- 9* data not found". 

Derek groaned to himself and resisted the urge to bang his head against the keyboard in frustration. Instead he took another large gulp of his luke-warm water and gave the fan next to his desk a quick kick in the vain hope that it might actually do something other than spin weakly and move paper around his desk. Alas all it did was make the fan sputter then continue its lethargic spin. Derek ran his hand through his hair, grimacing at where sweat had stuck it to the back of his neck. 

On getting no answer from the internal support desk he pulled himself from his desk and walked 3 feet down the corridor to the room that housed the support desk. 

Opening the door the blast from the a/c had Derek grinding his teeth together at the cool and refreshing air circulating the room. He'd never bought the "it's to keep the servers cool" excuse he was given when he asked why the support room had a/c and his didn’t, he was pretty sure the servers were kept in a room next to the MD's office two floors below, but nothing he said seemed to make a difference so he contained his ire to glaring at the a/c. 

Stepping into the room Derek was faced with empty desks and a shrill ringing phone. No wonder I didn't get an answer when I called he thought. Derek marched through the room and round the corner to see if anyone was around and had to contain the sudden flash of rage when confronted with the prone and snoring form of Randy the system admin slumped in his chair. 

Derek slammed his hand down on the nearest desk and wasn't surprised when that got no reaction out of the man. It was a well worn joke in the office that Randy could sleep standing up and his constant naps were a source of amusement to everyone but those who he shared desk space with. The incident where his snoring interrupted a web chat with some very important clients (despite them being in the next room) which had caused the MD to yell at Randy for 20 minutes solid, it was the stuff of company legend. 

Although Derek usually found the situation generally amusing and had placed 3 bets in the company pool about when the MD would finally snap and fire Randy, right now Derek was battling the urge to tip the man off his chair. He slammed his fist down harder on the desk making everything jump and a precariously balanced paperclip sculpture scatter all over the desk. He was rewarded with the lifting of one sleepy eyelid. 

"Randy where is everyone?" Derek bit out 

"Lunch?" was the only response he got before the eyelid dropped back and soft snores filled the room. 

Grinding his teeth against what he thought of as very reasonable desire to kick a hole in the air con, Derek marched back out of the support room and back to his desk.

The error message was still flashing in jaunty colours across his screen and Derek sighed deeply. There was only one thing for it and he hoped that it wouldn't come to this, but it looked like he had no choice. With a heavy heart he brought his user guide on screen and scrolled to the last page.

"LaCT customer service and support how may I help?" the overly peppy voice at the other end said.

"I have the LaCT 200 pro and when I try to update customer info I keep getting the error message" Derek sighed

"Oh I am sorry to here that" the voice chirped "I’ll put you through to support"

Derek opened his mouth to reply but suddenly his ears were filled with the tinny sound of violins and a flute warbling their way through some nondescript lift music.

15 minutes, 3 emails, 7 games of solitaire, 5 tweets, half mars bar and 47 assurances that "his call was important and his patience appreciated" the music cut out and was replaced by a bored sounding voice 

"congratulations you’re the thousandth customer today and as such you're through to LaCT support this is Lydia speaking how may I improve you standard of computer functionality and general all round virtual experience" 

"Um" was all Derek managed to get out in the face of such an introduction

There was a pause before 'Lydia' continued "I am brilliant but I think it rather invasive to use my intelligence to accurately guess the problem and solve it, best you tell me what's wrong, it's not as fast but people are less likely to complain to management" 

"um" Derek was frankly still considering whether he'd done a Randy and fallen asleep at his desk because this all seemed rather strange, maybe the tinny violins and lutes were in fact hypnotic and lulled the listener into some sort of trance in which...

"Do you actually have a problem" said the voice interrupting his train of thought "or did you just ring to hear the melodious tone of my voice, which while flattering is also creepy" 

This conversation wasn't quite going the way he imagined and Derek wasn’t quite sure how he'd gone from wanting to complain about the frankly shitty and error ridden database system management had forced on him to being accused of being a creeper. He decided the best method was to ignore all that had gone before and just dive straight in "erm... I keep getting this error message"

Lydia sighed heavily "Have you tried turning if off and on again?"

"I’m sorry what... did you just say try turning it off and on again?"

"Yes" Lydia informed him slowly, as if talking to a child "statistical data proves that 85% of all support calls can be resolved by the rebooting of hardware"

Derek let out a pained sigh "I’ve done that, I’ve turned the programme off, I’ve turned the computer off, I’ve uninstalled and reinstalled the software, I’ve opened a new group entry and done all the stupid people stuff, hence why I called you!"

"That and breathe heavily for the first few minutes" 

Derek felt his mouth open and close several times before his brain had formulated a response. Just as he was about to hit Lydia with his no doubt witty and withering response another deeper very muffled voice he could only just make out yelled in the background 

"Lydia what the fuck" 

"Hold please" Lydia said his best telephone voice and there was then a loud beep and suddenly all the voices came into clear focus

"Lydia where the hell is everyone?" the other voice sighed

"Lunch" Lydia replied calmly amusement creeping into her voice

"All of them"

"Apparently so"

The other person huffed in annoyance before continuing

"Well what are you doing here?"

"Covering for Scott"

"What"!?! The voice squeaked 

"I came down with Allison on the way to grab some lunch so that she could have a quick word with Scott and he asked me to stay for a minute to make sure that any phone was answered and stall until he got back" 

That explained a lot Derek thought

"Well thanks, I think" the voice didn’t seem particularly certain he should be thankful

There was a brief pause before the voice asked "how long has he been gone?"

"37 minutes" Lydia said, her tone like ice

"37 minutes without anyone answering the phones ... shit I’m going to fucking kill them all" the voice groaned 

"Not true" Lydia countered "do not concern yourself, although not my area of expertise I have discovered that guiding the average plebeian who apparently uses our system, to a solution to their problem wasn’t exactly difficult. Although it does make you wonder how they function on a day to day basis”

In the silence that followed Derek swore he could see that other man paling at this news

"wait.. you what... I" the other man took a deep breath "Lydia are you trying to tell me in the 37 minutes that Scott has been gone you have been answering the phones"

"yes" Lydia practically sing-songed out. The rather impressive string of swear words that followed this confirmation had Derek's eyebrows crawling to his hairline

"Don’t worry" Lydia's patronising tone interrupted the other mans flow of frankly quite creative swearing and threat of personal injury against the rest of the support team "I don't mean to demean either your staff or your unit's role within the organisation but all of the calls bar one were easily dealt with by informing the caller to turn it off then back on again" 

A snort of laughter echoed down the line "well yeah unfortunately that's often the case. What about the one that wasn't?" 

"Ah yes, well that would be the guy who's on the phone now, he says and I quote ‘I’ve done all the stupid people things that's why I’m calling you’” 

There was another snort of laughter

"Yeah I bet he did, what did he say the problem was?"

"Well he spent the first few minutes breathing heavily down the line then he got grumpy and he bitched at me like he's got PMS, a body odour problem and definitely hasn’t been laid in a while"

Derek spluttered at this assessment of him and couldn't help blurting out "I can hear you, you know"

Silence crackled down the line for a moment before there was a distinct squeak and a thud before Lydia hummed thoughtfully "oh I could have sworn that was the hold button" 

"Oh my god" the other voice groaned sounding like he was in pain before he seemed to gather himself. There was a small beep and the line went muffled as he was taken off speakerphone but he could hear the voices faintly in the background 

"shit Lydia, holy fuck, crap he heard all that"

Lydia's giggle came clearly down the line

"Oh please go back to your floor Lydia while I try and salvage this mess" there was the rustling sound of movement as Lydia must have relinquished his seat to the man “and for the record with a voice like that he doesn’t sound like someone with BO or who would have a problem getting laid” 

Derek found his cheeks heating up and pushed aside the random impulse to tell the man likewise.

Lydia’s cackle was loud and somewhat gleeful “oh, taken a shine to the sexy voice at the other end of the line, or was it the part about the heavy breathing that’s got you all hot and bothered?”

“I hope Jackson’s cock withers and falls off”

"Now how is that suitable thanks for someone who selflessly came to your rescue and held at bay the rabid hoards of support seeking customers"

"Yeah Lydia you're a regular Galahad"

"I prefer Athena, who came down from above to take pity on your.."

"Go back upstairs Lydia, please" groaned the other voice

"this is why they keep support in the basement you know" Lydia's voice was getting fainter and fainter "no social graces at all, can't interact with civilised members of society, no ability to refine the..." until it was gone completely. 

There were a few moments of silence and the distinct sound of someone hitting their head against the desk and the beep of a button being pressed before the other man took a deep breath and began to speak

"sir I can only apologise for my colleagues comments earlier and I can promise you that such behaviour will never happen again"  
Derek suppressed a chuckle at the defeated tone in the man's voice

"well" Derek put on his most professional managerial disapproving voice, glad that the man at the other end of the phone couldn't see the smirk on his face "I can't deny that this entire incident has been particularly unprofessional" he paused drawing it out "I will however overlook this transgression this once" he heard the distinct sound of a breath being released 

"Thank you sir and again I apologise for the entire situation we do, despite what you have witnessed today, pride ourselves by our professionalism and dedication to our customers. Now my name is Stiles and how may I help you this afternoon?" 

Derek couldn't keep in his laughter at the spiel Stiles had come out with and how different it was from the sarcastic, swearing man he'd been a few moments before

"I’m sorry " Derek said the smirk he was wearing quite audible "it's just the switch into professional mode came across as amusing especially after you spent the last few minutes swearing profusely at whoever she was. Speaking of, where on earth did you find her, who actually talks like that?" 

There was another snort of laughter and a lightening in the tone of Stiles' voice "yeah well Lydia's one of kind, she’s actually a genius and is our head of Business Development; they're all odd in those departments you know"

"I’m a Business Development Manager"

"Oh" Stiles managed to stretch the vowel out 

"it's just not your day is it"

Stiles laughed  
"No apparently not. Ok I’m going to prove to you that I am capable of being professional, what problem do you have" 

Derek grinned and started outlining the problem.

25 minutes later, one remote access request, a couple of teasing reminders of the earlier part of the call, 3 support staff returning from lunch, a complete denial that Stiles' voice was making things very hot south of the border and several pieces of technical stuff that Derek didn't understand Derek's system was up and running and the error message had been banished.

"Well” said Stiles, disconnecting from the remote access “that should be working fine if you experience any more problems call back with the case number I gave you"

"Can you guarantee that there will actually be a member of staff there?" Derek was sure the his smirk was audible

"Yes I can promise you that there will always be a member staff available to take calls" 

Derek couldn't help himself "a member of support staff and not a random member of staff?"

Stiles took a deep shuddering sigh "yes a member of the support team"

Derek laughed again at the exasperation in Stiles' voice and couldn't resist the urge to torture him a little bit further "excellent in that case I will refrain from contacting the support team manager regarding this incident"

The man let out a deep groan and there was a the distinct sound of head hitting keyboard "mmm da man'er" the man mumbled into the keyboard

"Sorry what was that?"

"I am the manager" Stiles muttered

Derek let out a quiet snort of laughter "oh my god that's brilliant” he felt the urge to laugh out loud "I so wish I could buy you a drink, I think you made my day" 

"Glad to be of service" Stiles said in a wry tone

"no really, despite the fault, long wait, the random insults, exposure to swear words I didn't know existed" a warm chuckle floated down the line and Derek found himself wishing he could see the man laugh, he had no idea why but he had the idea that the man’s smile was as warm as it sounded "despite all that or maybe because of it I can quite happily say that I haven't been quite so entertained in ages"

"Well that's me Stiles Stilinski IT support manager and entertainer of Business Development Managers who break previously impervious software"

"Impervious huh, big word for an IT geek" 

"haha very funny for someone who plays with a CRM system all day"

"Indeed" even though this Stiles couldn’t see him Derek raised an eyebrow

"Yep congratulations Mr Hale"

"Derek" He corrected

"... Derek, you managed to single handily corrupt the coding of your software without even trying"

"Well wouldn't want you to rest on your laurels"

"You wouldn't would you?" Stiles’ voice seemed to drop a little and became a little softer

"Nope wouldn’t want you to die of boredom" Derek’s voice also grew softer

"So this was all for my benefit?"

"yep, I mean there must be only so many times you can say ‘have you tried turning it off then back on again’ without wanting to staple your lips together"

Stiles, started laughing again "No we wouldn't want that"

"No indeed, you have a lot to thank me for"

"Do I?"

"Yup"

"So the software fault wasn't a random mistake that occurred when you messed with something you shouldn't but rather an errand of mercy to save my lips from the ravages of a staple gun?"

Derek chocked back his laughter "spend much time around Lydia?"

"Um no, the rambling’s all me I’m afraid, part of my natural charm"

"Don’t despair I’m sure there is an antidote"

"I take offense at that” Stiles’ voice rose in indignation “my verbose and erudite ways have had charmed many a person"

Derek suddenly found himself searching for something else to say in response but his mind kept drawing a blank. Derek frantically tried to think of something to say as he didn’t want this call to end. 

There was a low murmur of a voice coming down the line, to faint for any words to be distinguished but close enough that they had to be from someone speaking to Stiles. This was confirmed by Stiles' muffled voice answering "yeah, I’ll be right there."

"Derek I’m afraid I have a meeting to go to, I hope everything works and that any further calls to the support line won't be quite so traumatic"

Derek laughed "really? I think I’ll be disappointed if they're not" 

That drew a chuckle from Stiles.

"well Stiles” Derek felt a pang of disappointment “thanks for fixing my programme, and I hope never to have my call answered by Lydia again"

"Roger that Derek"

"Bye Stiles"

“bye Derek”

Derek found himself listening to the dial tone and slowly put down the receiver. As he went back to updating his customer information his gaze fell on the user guide and he couldn't help but wonder if it was possible to create another error bad enough to warrant asking for Stiles.


End file.
